18 March 2010

Send him to Elba

When I was in middle school, there was this kid Kevin (why do I still remember his name). He was the typical Napoleonic bully: small in stature, quick in action. He made his living picking on the peons of the class, and yes, while this will surely amaze you all, I was on of, if not the, peon of Mrs. Buchans 8C class.

For the entire year, Kevin picked at me: popping me in the back of the head while walking to the bathroom, tripping me up while going down the hall, pulling my backpack off as I was boarding the bus. Kevin continued to pick, daring me to retaliate; I never did.

The only thing keeping Kevin from actually throwing the first of many punches was Maurice Bedford, who took a liking to me and made it clear that Kevin would end up in pain if he started anything. Maurice doesn't play into this moral, but he deserves my appreciation all the same.

Just before summer, in the hall outside the bathroom just after lunch, the line in the sand was drawn. I was not going to deal with Kevin anymore. After a year of silence, I finally shot out a verbal threat to Kevin, who had undoubtedly done something to provoke it. I had not the experience, size or knowledge of how I was going to back up my statement, but I finally had the will.

The scene is still clearly before me, each of us standing with clinched fists, me wondering what exactly was supposed to be the next move, and him wondering if I had it in me to back up my threat. The group circled around, awaiting the first flinch. And I stood there, like a rock, body heating up, eyes starting to water, just this side of unhinged. I stared Kevin down. An eternity later, he took advantage of whatever distraction was in distance as an excuse to walk away.

I have no memories of Kevin after that day.

16 March 2010

Something we all ought to do

Without needless explanation, let me justly state that life has not necessarily ventured along the charted course. Or perhaps more accurately, I have not exactly plotted the most enlightened path. So I have found the last 3 years of particular note, the stuff psalms are written of.
In a note of inspiration, a good friend encouraged me to write down all the wonderful parts of life, to help gain perspective. This is written with optimism (which is much more difficult to pull off than cynicism).

A -
B -
C - Chock Full o' Nuts - a coffee tin, sitting on my desk as a pencil holder, which originally held Chocolate Mint Chocolate Chip Cookies from a flirtatious girl from Athens who brought them to my dorm room one night 13 years ago.

D - Deal, as in 'my deal', which is likely the modern equivalent to 'God's will';) Searching these years of dissatisfaction for some clue as to what I am most joyful participating in was a valid pursuit. Gaining clarity here has been a relief and source of energy unknown for a long time prior.

E -
F -
G - Garrett Haoge Bowling - the biggest pain in my tail in my life, who I am finding myself loving like a son. It has been so much harder than anything I could have imagined... set me to spiraling. But as I have asked myself if I would change what I did, I am always met by God, knowing that He has done with me what I have done with Garrett, and if there is one thing in life I know was the right thing to do, this is it. You've got to allow yourself to rest in that.

H -
I -
J -
K -
L -
M - McK - I have a hard time rightly explaining why we do as well as we do. But I cannot imagine my life without her, and dare not even try. All others pale in comparison.

N -
O -
P - Pastor D.E. - for the first time in my life, I swallowed my pride and went to my pastor, asked for help, and allowed him to counsel me. I gave up part of what made me who I was, and gained a great deal in return.

Q -
R -
S -
T -
U -
V -
W -
X -
Y -
Z -

07 March 2010

God wants to do in us before He wants to do with us.

Let us start: I am to rest in the mere presence of God.
We'll not pretend this is easy, self-absorbed as we are. Even one who purports himself considerate of others is found the egoist in the vicinity of our maker.
And then, when God is clearly before me,
I am emptied of pride,
Dispossessed of my drive for gain.
Wait.

In His time, He who is beyond time will reveal His direction,
His calling for the days and years upcoming.

Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.

And after I surrender myself,
after I have let go,
after I wait,
after I hear...
Upon the completion of the time of pausing, in faith, I must trust
that everything that God has called me to do,
he has prepared me to do,
is equipping me to do,
and will lead me to fulfill.

In that time, with the confidence of God before me, I must move.