a Walkabout

It can readily be said that 2008 proved to be my most trying of 32 years. I would like to hope that I cleaved to Jesus in this time, and I believe there is evidence before me that I did. However, difficult things are difficult, even with God Almighty.
The times of tumults have weighed on me, one who is typically rather stalwart. And it has been recognized (and pointed out to me) that my lack of 'enjoyment' has finally effected my sense of 'joy'.
My discerning and charitable wife has encouraged a Walkabout, and I just might take her up on it. She will be taking the kids to her mother's in two weeks, and has warned me of the wrath that will follow my typical reaction to her absence, an overloading of work.
"Go somewhere. Get some time alone. Breathe a bit. And come home with either some answers or some joy or, preferably, both."
Options are weighing themselves before me:

• Outward Bound or NOLS course.. none offered the right dates, rather expensive, and I'll be forced to talk to others.
• Seattle and the surrounding areas, bumming a couch of my best friend Weeder... but the traditional excitement of seeing him and his wife and upcoming child (I won't probably see the child) is replaced by apprehension at being with others. I am feeling the need for loneliness.
• Westward... over the Mississippi I am called.
• Joshua Tree, Southern California, climbing and hiking and camping in the desert in the likes of Christopher McCandless.
• Skiing somewhere? I would like to try my hand at Cross Country.
• THE Grand Canyon is always suggested, but only by those who don't realize how incredibly cold it is there this time of year, without the benefit of campfires or snow-based activities.
• Honduras
• Equator
• Costa Rica (Maggie's pick of the three, as it feels less dangerous to her)

I have little time to decide, and must as well decide whether to pursue this dream or let it lie.

what we do verses what we need

People know where to mine silver and how to refine gold. They know where to dig iron from the earth and how to smelt copper from rock. They know how to shine light in the darkness and explore the farthest regions of the earth as they search in the dark for ore. They sink a mine shaft into the earth far from where anyone lives. They descend on ropes, swinging back and forth.

Food is grown on the earth above, but down below, the earth is melted as by fire. Here the rocks contain precious lapis lazuli, and the dust contains gold. These are treasures no bird of prey can see, no falcon’s eye observe. No wild animal has walked upon these treasures; no lion has ever set his paw there. People know how to tear apart flinty rocks and overturn the roots of mountains. They cut tunnels in the rocks and uncover precious stones. They dam up the trickling streams and bring to light the hidden treasures.

But do people know where to find wisdom? Where can they find understanding? No one knows where to find it, for it is not found among the living. ‘It is not here,’ says the ocean. ‘Nor is it here,’ says the sea. It cannot be bought with gold. It cannot be purchased with silver. It’s worth more than all the gold of Ophir, greater than precious onyx or lapis lazuli. Wisdom is more valuable than gold and crystal. It cannot be purchased with jewels mounted in fine gold. Coral and jasper are worthless in trying to get it. The price of wisdom is far above rubies. Precious peridot from Ethiopia cannot be exchanged for it. It’s worth more than the purest gold.

But do people know where to find wisdom? Where can they find understanding? It is hidden from the eyes of all humanity. Even the sharp-eyed birds in the sky cannot discover it. Destruction and Death say, ‘We’ve heard only rumors of where wisdom can be found.

God alone understands the way to wisdom; he knows where it can be found, for he looks throughout the whole earth and sees everything under the heavens. He decided how hard the winds should blow and how much rain should fall. He made the laws for the rain and laid out a path for the lightning. Then he saw wisdom and evaluated it. He set it in place and examined it thoroughly. And this is what he says to all humanity:

'The fear of the Lord is true wisdom;
to forsake evil is real understanding.’

leadership

It begins with Confidence and a Friendly nature. Add Willingness... and you end up in student government and a team captain. A lot of unpaid time, but rarely stressful. 'Popularity' is a nice by-product.

Then it advances... you are Organized and Committed to seeing things through. You Finish that which is laid before you, which is so uncommon that you end up with a title and more unpaid time.

Eventually you notice people are always waiting on you to make Decisions.

"I don't know any more about this than you"

"I don't know what to do"

But it doesn't matter. They wait on you anyway.

Stress arrives in full-force, and your Level-Head continues, whatever the work is. Everything is expanding, and the challenges faced regard New Territories. Confidence comes forward, and onward we go.

Who knew going into all of this how much you can be stretched? Character becomes a centroid, an exhausting reality. Character is never satisfied with itself.

Enter dark times. Bigger than me. Bigger than anything I can grasp, control, or understand. Leadership at a level previously untested is required.

It begins with a willingness to help

Then a willingness to make decisions

to finish the tasks

to search out answers in a new world

to deal with yourself and your faults

Here I am making decisions that hurt some to protect others.

Heavy

Walking forward without joy

Stretched and thin and frail

Amazed at how life just keeps coming at me..