most.Mind you, I’m no George Clooney, but I consistently travel one leg and 47 miles short of obtaining my annual upgrade status with the cattle-car airline based in my hometown.
I’m told that in previous generations, such travel was a luxury. You weren’t taller than the ceiling, didn’t spend the flight with my Lombard crammed into my seat while simultaneously wedging your knees up under the wonder of all inventions, the seat-back tray (specifically design to be just large enough to make ‘eating’ an acrobatic event).
We didn’t expect much of a father back then, so you could leave without guilt.
You weren’t electronically connected to everyone you ever met, so you could even have a chippie on the other end of the flight with almost no concern for being cut into little pieces by your significant other when you returned home.
But I digress.
Traveling today… not so much.
When traveling today, prepare your mind for the unknown.
Lie to yourself: this must be what Jason Bourne’s life is like,
encountering a new adventure hour by hour with perfect calm and ease.I guarantee that a significant part of Bourne’s Zen-state training took place while earning a Gold status.
Forget packing your favorite swim trunks for the hotel pool cleaned monthly by Jimmy the front desk attendee, you’d do better to pack an extra layer of deodorant and a barrel of patience.
At the moment of writing, I am sitting between these two:
I broke Flying Rule #9: never book a flight in person. The ticketed agent takes one look at me and says, “He’ll fit”.
You take the red-eye, addicted to your very-own TV (such control at your fingertips). Should I watch Fantastic Four or lose at Chess?
Forgetting that you’re supposed to work the next day,
Forgetting that due to a technical issue, you will miss your connection, spend 8 hours bumming around with a $20 voucher, hallucinating that the accented PA voice just changed your gate and departure time so that you must check yet again the departure screen.
Forgetting that the new flight time arrives too late to catch your third connection, so you get to weigh the comparative advantage of clearing customs at midnight to catch a taxi to a hotel and then get up at 4:30AM to be back to the airport at 6:00AM for your last flight,
Or, you can walk the entire airport hoping to find its weakness, to find where the airport Interior Designer slipped up and accidently ordered a chair or two that are comfortable. Upon failure of said mission, heading into your second sleepless night, you are forced to acknowledge that lying down on 1/8” thick industrial-grade carpet last cleaned during the Carter administration is your best option.
But hey, you get to post the most-enviable Facebook check-ins.
